Why Arabs are nosy?

The fact of the matter is that we should always judge individuals and not generalize or stereotype. The truth also is that a culture identifies itself from others by its distinctive culture’s customs and habits. There is no perfect culture, even though we believe our culture is better than others. Every culture has its good and its bad habits. One cultural difference between Arabs and Americans has to do with being “nosy” or “curious.”

Compared with Arabs, especially Jordanians, Americans have no curiosity to ask personal questions. And their curiosity rate reaches ZERO level in the first meeting. An American you meet for the first time will not ask you where are you from? How old are you? Why you are not married? Where are you going? Mind your own business mantra is as holy as one’s prayer in their culture and I LOVE IT. Okay, maybe sometimes but not all the times.

Now, let me explain what kind of questions you might be asked in Jordan, and I am not exaggerating if I said these questions might be asked by total strangers in the first meeting (e.g., between a taxi driver and his passenger). Are you married? Why you are not married? Why are you going to the court? How old are you? What do you do? Where do you work? How much is your salary? Yes, in Jordan we ask each others about salaries. If curiosity is close to zero in America it is close to 100% in Jordan.

Last week, I meet an Arab man who had just moved to the US with his family. I invited him to my apartment to drink tea. He is a nice person but he couldn’t hide his Arab intense desire to know gene. During our chat with other friends, he asked me “What is this, this, and this?” Pointing his finger with every “this” to one of the electronic devices I have beside the TV. I admit these devices are not the normal electronic devices you see near the TV but he felt the urge to investigate and ask questions. In his second visit, he saw on the coffee table a box with a picture of children in an inflatable swimming pool, knowing that I am single he couldn’t not ask “Why did you buy this?” Nosiness is in our gene! Luckily, my ten years in America taught me to tone it down to a very low level. Something I am very thankful for.

But to be fair let me explain why this extreme nosiness exists in the Arab culture. Two things we don’t value isolation and individualism. Being nosy is a manifestation for being social. The more we know about you the more we can chat and the more we can be friends. We take our socializing habit to extreme. That is why we don’t appreciate queues. In queues, people stand in line one after another. Queue is a system invented by people who value time and individualism. We value neither. When we are waiting for something we wait as a one big family so we can see and chat with everyone. And because time means nothing serving a person before another means that the person served earlier is better than the one served afterward. We like all of us to be served at the same time regardless of who came first. There is no difference between 7 am and 11 am in our culture.

So if you are ever to visit the Middle East be prepared to be asked personal questions. And please make sure that you never answer “it is not your business.” This is considered very rude and WILL offend the person asking questions. Asking questions is our way to socialize with others and refusing to answer means you don’t want to socialize with people. In Arabia, refusing to socialize with people is taken as you feel you are better than them. Therefore, in the Middle East you have to answer personal questions. Now, my first recommendation is NEVER say “it is not your business.” Second, to escape embarrassing yourself and others lie but never refuse to answer. No one really wants to know the truth they just need an answer, any reasonable answer will work. Sometimes answering wisely will keep you away from more nosy questions.

But it is not always that Americans mind their own business, they don’t when it is necessary. In the very popular American TV show “What Would You Do?“ some actors stage a problem inside a store or in the street to see how people will react. For example, would anyone stop a drunken man from driving? Or would someone tell the store manager that they saw a woman shoplifting? The show also stages controversial and hot issues like Islamophobia for example. The episode about a Muslim woman wearing hijab who was denied service by the store salesperson was by far a viral video among Muslims worldwide.

Something I found interesting while living in the U.S. is that American women are more confrontational than American men. This is of course my humble opinion and is not based on any research or statistics. I think it might also be the case in Arab countries. And in the cases were the man is confronting it is because his wife nagged him to do something about it. If you watch ABC’s show “What Would You Do?”, this happens a lot. The wife tells her husband we should do something and the husband usually says it is not our business. I think this is an interesting subject to read about. Why women are more confrontational than men?

Two days ago, I went to Starbucks early morning. I decided to sit outside. The tables were still not wiped since the day before. I got couple of napkins and started cleaning my table. Suddenly, I hear a 20 something young lady sitting on the other table saying “you don’t have to do that.” She went inside and asked someone to come and clean the tables. An Arab or an American man will not do that. Women always claim they are the weaker sex but I doubt that. They are way stronger than men but they are not taught how to make use of their potentials when they are young.

In short, if you are an Arab in America don’t think that Americans are uncaring or uninterested in you if they don’t ask you personal questions. They believe it is not their business if you don’t want to share your personal life. Also, if you are an American in Arabia don’t feel that Arabs are rude because they are asking you personal questions they just want to mingle and socialize. They are more interested in the time you spend together than the content of the chat.

Isn’t life more beautiful when we understand others’ culture?

Bonus culture difference trivia: If I would ever write a book in English about culture similarities and differences between Arabs and Americans I can name it “American and Arab Culture for Dummies” or “Complete Idiot’s Guide to American and Arab Culture.” If it is in Arabic, I can never ever write “for dummies” or “idiot’s” on the book’s cover. The Arabic version of the show “The biggest Loser” is translated to “The Biggest Winner.”

11 thoughts on “Why Arabs are nosy?

  1. This is a very interesting post. My first boyfriend was from Yemen. He was a really nice guy, but when we first started dating, like the first week or so, he would ask really personal questions as casually as if we were discussing the weather. At first I did get offended, even though I didn’t show it, but eventually I just accepted that this was how he was. Now, after reading this post I’m coming to the conclusion that it might have been cultural.

    1. Yes, it is a cultural thing. And I can imagine an Arab boyfriend would have been curious to know everything :) A cousin of mine used to play deaf when he rides taxis so the driver doesn’t initiate a conversation.

      1. Lol at the playing deaf thing. Do you watch that show “Seinfeld”? One of the characters, Elaine, did that one time but she slipped up when she heard that he was picking up Tom Hanks after he dropped her off.

        1. I am glad you mentioned “Seinfeld.” While I was writing my comment I wanted to mention this episode but I got distracted and forgot to mention it. Seinfeld is my favorite show.

  2. Great post! OK, I might not ask quite the personal questions you mentioned here, but I’m quite a curious (nosy) person myself. My thinking is how else am I going to get to know you, if I don’t find out some things about you. Granted, it’s not equal for all. I’m not interested in everybody, and I do try to curb my zeal since I know not everyone likes answering questions about themselves. Especially right off the bat.

    Funny enough, when I first met Samer (five years ago next month), I remember how many questions I had for him! He knew a lot about my culture already, but I knew very little about Arab,Muslim, Syrian culture so imagine the questions I had! I’ve always enjoyed meeting foreigners so this was like a treasure chest waiting to be delved into and explored! Andrew and I left for the mountains about three days after Samer and I met, and I still remember sending Samer an email before I left asking him about himself. What kind of sports do you like? what kind of music? what do you do with your friends? what do you think about politics? I’m pretty good at thinking of questions – maybe I should have been a journalist. :)

    When we were in Syria, we had only a few people ask really personal questions and mostly it had to do with why we didn’t have children. I remember it still. One of our friends was the son of a police chief, and we’d been out with Mohammed that evening. He dropped us off and we were walking towards our hostel, when Samer’s phone rang. It was Mohammed telling us that his father wanted to meet us! So here we go – me, Andrew, Samer and Jake (our Palestinian friend) – to meet Mohammed who takes us up the stairs of a police station to meet the Chief. He was really nice – gave us chocolates and offered us coffee, I think. But he asked if we had children and when we said no, he said he hoped we had fine children like his son Mohammed one day. Other than that, I don’t remember too much else except for someone asking if we voted for Obama (the election had been just 2 months prior.)

    Also, your last paragraph made me laugh. I also remember telling Samer one day that I saw “Islam for Dummies” at a local bookstore, and how he reacted to that title. I had to explain fast that it didn’t mean what he thought it did! Ha…cultural differences are so cute, but, yeah, I can see why it’s important to know the potential problems.

    Kind of related, but Samer said there is a shoe store in Germany called “Shoe on You” which he said would never be the name of a store in the Arab world.

    Have I ever told you I like these posts? Maybe once or twice? ;)

    1. Hello Susanne,
      That was quite a comment. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am glad you elaborated this way because a friend told me that my post will make Americans think that Arabs are rude especially those who will read this but have not been in the Middle East.
      Anyway, as you mentioned I think some of us like to ask questions to know someone better. Arabs maybe do it more than others :)
      I like that you were the one asking the questions not Samer :) I like when an American ask me questions about my culture, country or religion. I tell people here where I am from even when they don’t ask me :)
      Yes, you told me that you like these type of posts but it does it hurt to repeat it :)
      Thanks for posting this on Facebook.

      1. Hope you didn’t mind my too big comment, but your post was chock full of stuff that I wanted to respond to. I also read your post and my comment to Samer. He enjoyed both! :D I’m glad you don’t mind people asking you questions. I love when people are open to sharing about themselves. This is the way I enjoy learning, and why I am thankful for God bringing Samer into my life. It opened a whole new world to me. I never read much about and from Arabs and Muslims prior to knowing him. Thanks for your willingness to share on your blog. Hope you are having a good weekend!

        1. Of course not! I love big comments :) And as I mentioned I really enjoy answering questions about my culture and religion because at least I know they are hearing something different than what they read or watch about Islam and Muslims from non-Muslims. I believe if we want to learn about a society we have to encounter with this society not just read about them.

  3. I get that being nosy is a part of the culture and normal for people to ask these questions but sometimes it gets a little obnoxious and I’m not good at being diplomatic….all the time.

    1. hahaha… Okay you can vent her. Unfortunately, I can’t help you with your complain :)
      Insh’Allah, I am planning to visit Jordan on December and I am preparing myself from now for the tons of questions. God help me with my quest.

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