That Other Voice

We know each other since we were kids. He has never left me since then.

He is not the kind of friend you want to keep. He is the biggest liar and deceiver.

“I hate you, stay away from me.” I keep telling him but he never leaves and never pays attention to what I say. I know he is not deaf because he always ready for giving excuses.

I admit that we talk to each other a lot. It is not that I can do anything about it. He is always there whether I like it or not. He is a bad listener but I have to give him credit for his way of convincing. His sweet tongue always makes things not what they appear to. 

It is as if he dwells in my brain. Like a parasite abuses every thought I have and forming new ones if necessary. I don’t know what he wants from me. I hate it when he tells me what to do and what not to do. But I hate myself more when I listen to him. His presence makes things easier sometimes but alas it is a temporary satisfaction before the guilt starts its path of agony.

I don’t know how he can sometimes control my brain, thoughts, actions, and even my emotions. He is so powerful I many times surrender to him.

Because of him, this year, I only fasted during Ramadan.

Because of him I pray the bare minimum.

Because of him I am not as grateful as I should be.

I am not sure how long he is going to be around.

I wish I have the power to get rid of him.

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10 thoughts on “That Other Voice

  1. Nice post Jarrad, do not tell me about him he is powerful specially in difficult times, but I can assure you that you can over come his powers; at the end of the day we are in control

  2. Haitham, Thank you!

    Um Omar, صحيح. قصدت الشيطان وكيف انه له تأثير كبير علينا للأسف

    Samar, Insh’Allah.

    Roula, I am not schizophrenic, yet. But I am afraid I may turn to one because of the extended amount of time I spend talking to myself 🙂

    T, Thanks. Unfortunately, it is not necessarily that we are in control. We should be of course but sometimes it requires a strong faith to keep him away. Allah says (إِنَّ اللَّـهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ): Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves.”
    If we are given one chance to repent then Allah would not say (التَّوَّابِينَ) which means “constantly repentant.“

  3. Hey, I know that voice. The accuser, the deceiver, the enemy. We pray against him in the name of Jesus Christ, and he falls back into the shadows…until the next time we are proud in our success, weak, fall into a trap or our old pet fav sins. hope you don’t mind another perspective.

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